I ♥ Shateesh :)

life suck like big tym

3:34 AM•27 April 2010

life sucks like bigBIG tym .

I've got everything an ordinary teenage girl needs & yet i somehow feel fucked-up !
I've got awesome family, friends & wonderful boyfriend.
& yet i feel something is missing is my life.

anw, i've been feeling very fucked up recently .
but dont ask me why , cux i myself dont know the reason .
My emotions are practically consuming my soul .
Im like at a dead-end with mist and fog ahead .

I've tried very hard , put in all my effort , gave and sacrificed all i could
but what i got at the end of the day are only SADNESS ,PAIN , HURT & LONELINESS .
Im suffering alone.

It was only what she said that felt like a slap across my face , it was also how she said it .
Every word was like thousands of needles piercing through my flesh, leaving no scar but it hurts like hell . All that I beleived ,trusted and lived by in the previous 17 years seems to turn upside down , inside out ; a total disaster .My world is crashing down . I have mixed emotions . Confusions are clouding my mind . Sadness , Pain and Hurt is overwhelming me .

A part of me knew that this was all along the truth and i chose to believe in hope that maybe with my perseverance, faith and effort .
I could make a difference.
Another part of me is in total denial of accepting the fact that there is NO FANTASY !
I wanted to hide all this but every statement of hers , had hit the bull's eye .
I deserve every bit of it & my heart is bleeding profusely.
I did not dare seek understanding from anyone because that would be slapping myself in the face .
Therefore i stood and am still standing all by myself and it weighed like mountains on my petite frame . I feel like dying every day of my waking life.

To put thinkgs bluntly , I climbed out of the grave and stubbornly continued to walk in circles in the cemetry when i should leave . I knew that I would fall back into the grave agin but i hoped things would change in life. But eventually I just dropped back in the grave again !

My drive, motivation, will , energy and moral are all dropping drastically .It is beyond a will to neither end my life nor live it . I realised I was a living dead when night falls & when im being left alone all by myself in the room . With nothing-ness. but who cares, i dont mind if i have nothing . I wuld have nothing to lose than .
Nothing to be upset about..
Nothing to cry about ...
Nothing to hurt ..
Nothing to loose ...

The Sabrina that everyonen knew was a lady with a smile on her face everytym . joking and playing around. Thus, i dint want them to see how cowardly im trying to numb myself by embedding a cloak of happiness . You might as well call me good for nothing.
No confidence .
No motivation.
No drive.
No spirit.
No energy .
No life.

No nothing.

I once had an ambition , a goal and a purpose in life , but now it seemed buried somewhere in the corner of my mind .

Im tired yet i cant stop to keep myself awake..
Im panting yet i cant hear myself breatheing ..
I am motionless ; yet im falling ..
INTO DARKNESS OF ABYSS .

FUCK, IM NOT IN THE MOOD TO BLOG MORE.

Anw, tomorrow is mummy's birthday !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MUMMY !
I LLOVE YOU SOO MUCH !
AND THANKS FOR EVERYTHING :)

BYE !

♥ I freaking love Shateesh ! ♥

bitch !

1:14 AM•23 April 2010

Bitch !
You must be really desperate !
Even after i told you not to call hym & tell hym not to forget you !
Bitch ; you were noone important in hys life for hym to remember you.
Go find some other guy to fuck around with .
I know you'll be reading this !
Just wanna let you know that i'll be calling you tonight !
Pick up the fucking phone if you fucking dare !
If you dont ; I will not hesitate to come over to your fucking place to break you !
Stop fucking around with me slut !

♥ I freaking love Shateesh ! ♥

2:56 AM•15 April 2010

Hello =]
Finally, im blogging .
I always wanted to blog but i couldnt find tym to blog.
Anw, soo manyy things happen .
Its a new year ; a new start of everything .

Anw, i just wanna blog about smth interesting tht happen in maths class today .
We were having maths class in MR2 .
& as usual we were talking crap .
So I said : Teacher, someone in this class has an affair with MPL .
& out of a sudden Pritha : Teacher , I am the one ..
The whole class burst out laughing.

PRITHA IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MPL !
LMFAO .
We all suspected it but didnt expect it to be true and for Pritha to agree with it.
WTH ?!

And yea, mummy came down to my school to see my form teacher .
They were talking about my common test results .
Failed everything :)
Mummy was advicing advicing & advicing .
gosh !

I think im really going to start getting serious .
Really going to start studying .
I know its surprising to hear that from me but I HAVE TOOOO !!!
I wantt to pass my 'O' levels and go to Ngee Ann Poly !!

Tomorrow is speech Day at scchool .
Have to be alone in school as the audience.
Saras is involved in the parade
& the rest are involve in the prize presentation.
Cheebye lar they all .
Action oni . HAHA !

Then after that going to go meet babylove :D
Going tatoo shop to do up hys tatoo .
I SOOO WANT TO GET ANOTHER TATTOO DONE !

Well, now im going to watch jeans then maybe hit the books.

Bye !

♥ I freaking love Shateesh ! ♥

-♥SABRINA♥-

I was born to stand out
I love Shateesh more than anything else in the world
I love dancing in the shower
I say the wrong things at the wrong tym
I act lyk a total retard in public
My attitude changes by the way you treat me
& I get mad easily
This is me ! & that is all I can be!
Hate me ? Your pasal bodoh !

My life :) ♥

In case if your wondering who is the hot guy up there
HE IS SHATEESH KUMAR BATUMALAI aka GANJA BOI
The guy who I cant stop thinking about .
The guy who has the most adorable eyes which i cant stop looking at .
The guy who has the cutest smile .
The guy who makes me wanna scream .
The guy who can make my day in a million ways .
The guy who makes me feel soo speacial .
The guy who holds the key to my heart .
Yeapps, He is my boyfriend & I love hym truckloads :)

Cravings

♥ ~~reborn hair~~
♥ ~~Dye hair~~
♥ ~~Dye hair again~~
♥ ~~Punjabi suit for Deepavali~~
♥ ~~All my stuffs for deepavali~~
♥ Camera
♥ Dress
♥ Bags
♥ ~~Laptop~~
♥ ~~Get bbylove smth for 2 years ann~~
♥ ~~Pass N level~~
♥ ~~Go sec 5~~
♥ Last long with Shateesh .

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